When I was in my 20’s I would dream about my future life. I would dream about my future husband, the company of my dreams, the kind of people I would have around me, where I would live, what my home would look like. It felt good to talk about it — it felt real and attainable, I could live in that fantasy world forever. Your mid 30’s is weird. You sort of come to a crossroads of confronting the intersection of your dreams verse your reality. You’re either moving in the direction of your dreams, or you’re not.
The profound significance of choice is twofold. Firstly, it is an immense privilege, and secondly, the collective weight of your choices will eventually shape your life. If you're not intentional or attentive with each choice, even the seemingly insignificant ones, you might one day wake up and wonder, "How did I end up here?" About a month ago, I woke up with an overpowering wave of anxiety running through my body. My initial thought that day was, "Am I doing this right?". Like… wait… am I doing this right? It felt heavy and scary and real and raw. My path has been different than most of the people around me. I broke up with the guys I was supposed to marry, I dropped out of programs, quit jobs that didn’t feel right, serendipitously navigated my way to and through New York City, then Miami, then LA. Somehow this unique path has led me to where I am today, having this conversations with you from my studio in Toronto @ 9:07 pm on a Thursday night. I love my job, I love my clients, I love what we are building for CKD. Just no one tells you how consuming building a business of your dreams will be. It's not a matter of "can be"; it is. It's a 24/7 commitment. It’s writing a blog post at 9:07 pm on a Thursday night because I would rather work tonight than be out. But shouldn’t I be out meeting my future husband? Shouldn’t I be in my dream house already? Shouldn’t I have at least one child? Instead I find myself alone in my studio. So, am I doing this right?
I was having dinner with one of my best friends, Masha, and in the midst of my ramblings, she interrupted me and said, "Candice, stop resisting – ground yourself in your choices." Every choice I've made has brought me to where I am today, and I'm proud of those choices. What's beautiful about choice is that it's never a one-way street; you have the power to change your mind. Even seemingly minor shifts in direction can have a profound impact on your life because they represent movement towards something new. I've learned that every choice or decision I've made has played a role in shaping the woman I've become. If i've made a mistake, I own that mistake, and I cherish it, it's uniquely mine, and the lesson it brings is part of my story.
I've recently made some personal changes in my life and as a result certain individuals have naturally exited my life. The new choices I'm making for myself today involve letting go and accepting that what's meant to stay will, while what's meant to leave was never meant to stay in the first place. I'm not resisting it. Instead, I'm choosing to flow with it. It’s a forward fall. It almost feels like life's way of opening new doors, leading to a fresh way of being and allowing you to see yourself and your self-worth in a new light.
Last night, as I was looking through the photos on my phone from January 1 to today. Over the years, there have been times when it felt like my business, CKD, took significant leaps, and there were other years when I felt substantial personal growth. However, this year has been different—it's been a year of growth for both CKD and myself as an individual. Looking at photos from January of this year, I hardly recognize the person I see in them. And I love it :)
I screenshot and uploaded some of my favorite moments with the people I love. These photos aren't necessarily about huge career achievements; they're the in-between. Like, the photo of Betsy and I at the Komodo Dallas opening is one of my favourites. Her and her bf drove all the way from Houston. The moments in LA with Muna, New York bottles of wine with D. Prince, riding horses an hour outside of Mexico City with my best friends, drunk Nobu nights with Dominique, last minute vegas trips with my mom, Saint Tropez with Alizee’s family. As I looked through all of these photos I was like damn.. look at all of these incredible people in my life that I can call my family. Who needs the dream house right now. It’s not the time. Everything will fall into place when it is time. I fully trust that now and understand what Masha meant. Grounding myself in my choices also allows the space to feel gratitude for them all. And guess what, if I want to change direction I can. Choice. What a beautiful thing.
